My mom was 67 when she died.
She was diagnosed with dementia in her late fifties, and the last four or five years of her life were something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Not on her. Not on my dad, who became her full-time caretaker. Not on any of us watching it happen.
But here’s the thing about watching someone you love go through something like that, it either breaks you or it lights a fire under you. For me it did both. And eventually, the fire won.
What I watched happen to my mom
It started with her hearing. She lost it suddenly. “They said it was a virus that wasn’t caught in time, and she ended up needing a cochlear implant. What I didn’t understand then but understand now is that losing her hearing caused her to withdraw. She became less social. More isolated. And isolation, it turns out, is one of the factors that can contribute to cognitive decline.
Looking back, I can see the thread. Hearing loss. Withdrawal. Depression. Brain fog. Memory loss. Repeating the same stories. Losing words mid-sentence.
That last one used to scare me because I do that too. We all do that sometimes. But for her it kept getting worse.
We eventually found a functional medicine doctor who ran extensive blood work and did something called a QEEG, a brain scan that shows which parts of the brain are inactive or overactive. What we saw was eye-opening. We could see exactly where her brain was struggling. She started neurofeedback to help create new neural pathways. She changed her diet: more healthy fats, omega-3s, nuts, avocado, fish oils. Less sugar, less alcohol.
It helped. But it was a lot to manage. My dad drove her to every appointment. Reminded her to take her vitamins. I practically dragged her to the pool for exercise. I laugh thinking about that now. Funny but not funny, as I like to say. Because watching your mom resist a bathing suit when you know movement is literally medicine for her brain; it’s not a funny situation. But sometimes laughter is all you’ve got.
What it made me ask
After she passed, I couldn’t stop thinking about one question: what could we have done sooner?
Dementia is not simply genetic destiny. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s too, but what I’ve learned is that these conditions are largely the sum of what we do or don’t do over the course of a lifetime. Exercise. Nutrition. Sleep. Social connection. Hormones. Oxygen to the brain. When those things are neglected over years and decades, cognitive decline becomes more likely. Not inevitable. More likely.
Women are at higher risk than men. And I’ll tell you why that matters specifically to us: the hormone shifts we experience throughout our lives, at puberty, in our twenties, late thirties, mid-forties, mid-fifties, are actual factors in cognitive decline. Our hormones are not just about mood and periods. They are deeply connected to how our brains function.
That blew my mind when I really sat with it. And it made me want to know everything.
So I went back to school
In the fall of 2022, at 45 years old, I enrolled in the prerequisites for naturopathic medical school. Nine classes. Mostly chemistry and biology. Things my brain had never been asked to do before.
I will be honest with you, it has made my brain hurt. My chemistry teacher says that means it’s growing. I’m choosing to believe her.
My goal is Bastyr University’s naturopathic medicine program. When I graduate, I’ll be around 51. And yes, I am aware that at 51, going back to school and starting a new career is not exactly what society tells us we’re supposed to be doing at that age. We’re supposed to be winding down. Getting ready for retirement. Propping up in a recliner somewhere.
No thank you.
I have too much to do. And honestly, so do you.
What I want you to take away from this
A few things.
First, get your blood work done. Not just a basic panel. A real, thorough look at your nutrient levels and your hormones. When I had mine done, I found out I was deficient in chromium, vitamin K, a B vitamin, and inositol. Deficiencies like that affect your mood, your brain clarity, your energy, and your muscles. A lot of what we write off as just feeling off or being a little depressed could be a nutrient deficiency. It is worth knowing.
Second, if your primary care doctor brushes off your request for a full hormone panel, find a functional medicine doctor or naturopathic doctor. They will actually run the tests and help you understand what you’re looking at.
Third, the lifestyle basics matter more than you think. Not in a vague “you should take better care of yourself” way. In a “these choices are either building your brain up or quietly breaking it down” way. Exercise. Sleep. Food. Social connection. These are not suggestions. They are medicine.
I’m reading Peter Attia’s Outlive right now, and there’s a patient he writes about who is in her early thirties, has genetic markers for Alzheimer’s, and because she found out now, at thirty, she has a real shot at avoiding the worst of it through lifestyle changes. Thirty years old. If that doesn’t make the point, I don’t know what does.
You don’t have to wait until something goes wrong to start paying attention.
My mom didn’t know what I know now. You do.
Natalie Garay is an author, podcast host, and future naturopathic doctor focused on women’s health and brain health after 40. Her book WTF Happened to My Body? Fixing the Aftermath of Having Kids No Matter How Long Ago It Was is available now in paperback, Kindle, and on Audible.
Listen to the full episode on her podcast, ‘WTF Happened to My Body After 40?’ on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
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